I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go

Through the process of me putting in my mission papers and waiting for my call, the Institute choir I was in at the time was singing the hymn "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go". But instead of the original hymnbook melody, we sang the lyrics to a lovely old Shaker tune. It's hauntingly beautiful, yet humble and simple. I love it even more than the normal hymn. I could only find a few websites with this particular arrangement, and the one I included doesn't have the words being sung along with it. But go ahead and click here to listen to the melody (once the website loads, just press the play button on the music player at the top).

It took about 5 weeks from the time I put in my papers until I opened my call. That wait was excruciating. Every time we rehearsed this hymn, tears of gratitude, anxiety, eagerness, and even some frustration would well up in my eyes. At the time I wanted so badly just to be a missionary, and I was doing my best to be ready to accept with joy wherever it was He wanted to send me. I wanted to know right then where it would be and I didn't want to wait a single minute more! I expected to wait about 2 weeks, but once 3 weeks, 4 weeks, and then 5 passed I was ready to pull out my hair! I remember when I opened my call packet I was very surprised to see the word "Oregon" on that page. It was one place I had never considered and no one had guessed, and ironically I had just been there in the boundaries of my very mission the summer before. A part of me felt slightly disappointed that I wouldn't leave the country, but like most missionaries find out at some point during their service, it became clear later that it was the perfect call for me. When I read that I would be speaking Spanish, a language I was already familiar with and that I loved, I was overjoyed. Speaking Spanish ended up making my mission feel like it was foreign after all!

Before I had put in my papers, I don't think I had ever given "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" much thought. I definitely wouldn't have called it one of my favorite hymns. It's not one that's sung very often, at least not in the wards I've been in. Perhaps it's a little forgotten and underrated. Which is sad, because I see clearly now that it puts to voice the willingness to serve with one's heart, might, mind and strength. It is so beautiful! And I love that it is the song of a humble servant who is striving to be faithful enough to serve wherever the Lord calls them.

But what happens if the place the Lord calls you to serve....is your home?

That is probably not a call you expected, planned for, or even wanted. And it's a whole lot harder to accept.

If you're anything like me, when you wrote your acceptance letter to the brethren, you expressed your joy at being called as a missionary, your gratitude for the Savior and this opportunity to serve Him full-time, your excitement to leave and meet the people of your mission, etc. Basically your whole letter was just a joyful, whole-hearted epistle of "YES I WILL GO!" More than just "accepting", I felt like I was opening my arms wide and receiving this call with all I had. It was right and it was mine and I could not wait to go.

If you had to write an acceptance letter for coming home early.....what would you say?? I think it would be a healthy idea to in fact write down the way you feel about accepting your early return, even if you have negative and bitter feelings. Let it all out on paper. It will only hurt you more if you never face these feelings. It's good to get them out.

What would you write to the Lord in response to His asking you to come home? Maybe you feel that Heavenly Father Himself told you to return home. Perhaps something outside your control, such as an illness or unexpected event caused you to return. It could even be that priesthood leaders seemed to make the choice and you feel you had little say in the matter. Whatever the cause, the truth is that you are home earlier than planned, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a part of Heavenly Father's plan. In an Early Returned Missionary class I was in, we once talked about how our early returns did not surprise Heavenly Father. In His infinite wisdom, God knew this would happen. The challenge is in finding peace within ourselves for what happened.

Lyrics to "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go":

It may not be on the mountain height

Or over the stormy sea,

It may not be at the battle’s front

My Lord will have need of me.

But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I’ll go where you want me to go.

Chorus:

I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,

Over mountain or plain or sea;

I’ll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;

I’ll be what you want me to be.

Perhaps today there are loving words

Which Jesus would have me speak;

There may be now in the paths of sin

Some wand’rer whom I should seek.

O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,

Tho dark and rugged the way,

My voice shall echo the message sweet:

I’ll say what you want me to say.

Chorus

There’s surely somewhere a lowly place

In earth’s harvest fields so wide

Where I may labor through life’s short day

For Jesus, the Crucified.

So trusting my all to thy tender care,

And knowing thou lovest me,

I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:

I’ll be what you want me to be.

Chorus

Text: Mary Brown, 1856–1918

Music: Carrie E. Rounsefell, 1861–1930

"I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" - a video presentation portraying member missionary work, wherever we are.