I can trace the beginning of Braver to shortly after my mission. I came home early and I felt an overwhelming need to help other Early Returned Missionaries. In the midst of my own pain, I knew that I didn't want others to feel like I did. No one should feel like they are a failure, believe that their mission was worthless just because it ended early, or to be scared for the future simply because of how their mission turned out. I gained a testimony that God does not view us or our missionary service in that way. He is merciful and kind, and when we cry, He weeps with us. 

After my mission, it came time for me to return to college. I still held these negative beliefs about my early return, but my strong desire to help was there too. I wanted to connect with other ERM's. Whenever I met someone who had come home early, I didn't judge or pity them. I instantly felt compassion for their pain in such a difficult situation, and I wanted them to be proud of themselves and to own their stories. I also wanted to feel that way about my time in Oregon.

With these desires to help and a yearning for connection, I went to school. About my second week in, in one of my institute classes, it was announced that there was going to be an Early Returned Missionary class held there at the institute, twice a week. The spirit prompted me to go, very strongly. Even though I was nervous, I went the following Thursday. I was the only one there except for the teachers until slowly more kids trickled in during the class period. My teachers were a wonderful senior couple who had returned home early from their couple mission, so they knew what it felt like. The next week more kids came, then more after that. As I made friends with the other ERM's, and as we shared our grief and stories, I felt my heart begin to heal. They didn't think I was a failure, nor did I see them that way. So why were we all being so hard on ourselves? I realized that many of the feelings I had were natural and common for ERM's. I started to not only accept my early return, but to be proud of my mission and my individual story. 

At this same time in my life, I met my friend Carvel in a choir. Carvel is a musician, and he writes and records his own music. I was still grappling with this desire to help, but feeling like I didn't know how. I wanted to help dozens, maybe even hundreds of ERM's, but I felt too powerless and small to do it. What could I do to reach so many people? Then one day after I was driving home from Carvel's house, it hit me. I felt the spirit prompt me to write a song for ERM's. I had always loved singing, and now I knew someone familiar with songwriting, I found a way for my dreams to become a reality. I approched Carvel with the idea, and he loved it. I started praying to know what to say and how to capture my feelings and experience in just a few minutes worth of music. My answer came in my ERM class.

One day, a counselor from LDS Family Services came to our class to talk to us. The night before in preparation, he had prayerfully studied the Book of Mormon. He felt prompted to read the story of the stripling warriors. As he read about Helaman's brave two thousand sons, he started to cry. The spirit touched his heart, and he saw parallels between these warriors and us as Early Returned Missionaries. It says that, miraculously, none of the soldiers were slain, but many of them were wounded, and some had fainted for loss of blood. As I listened to him, the line "sometimes it's braver to put down the sword" came into my mind. Those soldiers wanted to keep fighting but it was necessary for them to stop fighting for the sake of their lives. Who's to say that they didn't feel disappointed in themselves when they weren't able to stand at the battle's end? This counselor compared that to us. Not all of us stay the length of time that we anticipated on our missions, some of us metaphorically "faint for loss of blood" and have other things that keep us from serving, such as mental illness, physical injuries, family problems, or transgression. We wanted to serve, but we had to put down the sword and submit to the will of God. The counselor talked to us about how some of the bravest soldiers were the ones that fought on the front line, where it's hardest. They likely sustained the most injuries. You could say that the missionaries that serve on the "front line" are those that go out (or want to go out) despite having a mental illness, physical limitations, or other personal issues. The Lord is aware of the faith and bravery involved in such sacrifices, and I know that He loves ERM's. They are among his strongest soldiers.

Braver quotes a life-changing talk ("But if Not..." by Dennis E. Simmons) when it says "but if not, I'll believe He has different plans for me". We want our missions to turn out a certain way, but if not, we will still trust God. We wanted to stay for 18 months or 2 years, but if not, we will go home and follow His better, higher plan for us. We gave our all to serve as full-time missionaries of the church, but if not, we are still brave, and we will serve wherever he needs us.

The overall message of Braver is that coming home early was not an act of cowardice, but one of courage. My prayer is that anyone who hears it will come away with a greater testimony that they are "braver than [they] thought", and that just because your life turned out differently than planned, doesn't mean it's any less beautiful. If we let Him, God will take us and make us greater than we could ever imagine. I testify that submitting our will to Him is the bravest and most beautiful thing of all.